Monster Dispatch Center
by lucybubblychase
Summary: Did a demigod just move into your neighborhood and instantly try to kill you? Is getting sent back to Tartarus causing you to constantly reschedule family reunions? If so, call our toll free number at 1-800-MONSTER to get rid of the pesky demigods stopping you from living a normal, barbaric life! A series of drabbles and ficlets.


Papa telekhine walked through the rows of cubicles at the official headquarters of the Monster Protective Services with his son, Timmy, following closely in tow. Just barely as tall as the desks, the little telekhine waddled on the tips of his flipper-feet, jumping up and down every now and then to try to see above the tables.

His papa waved to a fellow telekhine, Uncle Benji, who waved back before answering an incoming call. "Monster Dispatch Center, how may I help—"

"MOOONSTER DIIISPATCH CEEENTER—" A newly trained cyclops bellowed into the phone while periodically glancing down at his cue-card, single eye rolling around frantically.

"This is the MDC, make it quick, my lunch break starts in five minutes—" A harpy lazily spun around in her chair, fanning her wings as the cord started to wrap around her.

Right across from the avian, an emphosa sobbed wildly, smearing mascara under her glowing red eyes as she shakily picked up the phone. "M-Monster Dis… I'm… I- I- I'm going to need a minute—"

"— BUT MA'AM, WE'RE BEING CHASED—"

"— I'm sorry, but the operator you have called is currently unavailable. Please hold—"

"—AHHHHHH—" The call clicked off.

Papa telekhine gently pulled his son away from the chaos and confusion of the main floor and nudged him toward his cubicle at the end of the room.

"Alright squirt, this is where I go work every day after I drop you off at St. Helens Elementary. I know your teachers are always pushing you to work in the forges, but maybe one day, when you're a big telekhine like me, you'll work here too."

The young telekhine's eyes grew wide. "Really Papa?"

"Of course, Timmy," his father said affectionately, rubbing his son's head with a flipper. "Now watch what I do very carefully." Timmy nodded, eager to learn.

"Monster Dispatch Center, how may I help you?"

"Hi, um, a demigod just, like, vaporized my friend at the donut shop and ran off. I would, like, totally go after him, but my nails are still wet."

The telekhine made no attempt to hide his annoyance as he responded, falling back into his wheelie chair and grabbing the keyboard. "May I have your names and your species?"

"I'm Emmy, empousa. Khine's a telekhine." Typical monster names. Despite being immortal creatures, they didn't put much thought what names their children would be stuck with for eternity.

"And your location?" He asked monotonously.

"Monster Donut Shop in Manhattan."

He sighed. "Don't your parents ever tell you not to go near Long Island? That area is crawling with the little brats."

"Who cares, it's not like, _that_ dangerous or anything."

Eyebrow raised, he responded, "Need I remind you that your friend was just vaporized?"

"Whatever, she wasn't that great of a friend anyways, always stealing all the cute cyclopes and flirting with mortals."

Calls like these really made Papa telekhine hate his job. He shook his head at those teenage shenanigans and typed in the information, punching the enter key to send off the case. "A monster has been dispatched to find the demigod that killed your, er, friend. We will notify you within the next hundred years when your friend returns from Tartarus."

"Don't bother. I have a facial scheduled for the next decade, and she's like totally annoying anyway." The sea demon hung up with a click, and the line started buzzing again. The father slouched back in his chair and looked to his son, hoping to find him listening observantly, but instead found him tinkering with a scrap of celestial bronze. Cue the parental scolding.

"Timothy Pontus Tamalpais, are you forging another dagger? You know celestial bronze is dangerous, and if you slice your fin off and disintegrate again, your mother will be very unhappy with you."

"But daaad, I got bored!"


End file.
